darcy's cafe
Over the past nine months or so, I’ve struggled a lot with my physical appearance. I know I don’t get personal on the blog very often, but after a bit of consideration I felt that this was an important subject to bring up. In a world and industry that’s so inundated with the need and desire to appear attractive, it’s easy to get caught up with and put an unhealthy emphasis on the outside – and often without second thought. And so, here’s a break from the regularly scheduled, light-hearted personal style posts for some musings of the heart.
journaling coffee shop

I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever been overly obsessed with my appearance by any means, but this year I realized how much it’d innately become part of my identity. Although my self esteem has been pretty healthy since I graduated high school, this year I’ve learned that a lot of it was actually grounded in looking a certain way (and this blog likely had a role in that). But recently, due to a combination of aging and perhaps just not taking very good care of myself, I’ve been forced to think differently. Challenged with a bit of weight gain, hormonal acne, new wrinkles, and eye health issues that have required me to wear glasses instead of contacts, I’ve honestly become accustomed to simply feeling unattractive most of the time.

To say that this has been inconsequential for my life would be a lie. Part of the struggle has been the real need to come to terms with getting older and not looking the same way that I did in my early 20’s. Lots of things don’t come as effortlessly anymore, and aspects of my body that I took for granted in earlier years have inevitably faded.

Through it, I’ve been forced to embrace the fact that a woman’s beauty does not primarily come from her physical appearance (big shoutout to my incredibly patient and loving boyfriend for consistently reminding me of this through my tears of frustration). And while I’ve always known that to be true in theory, seeing it play out in my own life has been highly arduous and incredibly beautiful at once. I’ve had to ask: what does it really look like to not place any of my value on how I look? Although it hasn’t been fun, being able to work through this issue head on – instead of trying to revert back to the past – has been a huge gift.

I’ve also been reminded that even as I age, I do have the important role of taking good care of myself. And for me, that means sleeping at a decent time, eating healthily (seriously hard for a carb and refined sugar addict!), exercising regularly (probably the hardest for me), and journaling my thoughts and prayers daily.

Obviously, it seems like such a first world problem to even have the luxury to contemplate this. And as I write this to you, I’m still in the midst of the struggle and probably will be to some degree for the rest of my life. I don’t really have any answers, but I do want to open up a conversation and share some of my personal challenges with beauty and appearance this year. I’d also love to know: how have issues with physical beauty played out in your life? Please do share in the comments below, or in an email if you prefer!

journaling
salad and smoothie
healthy food
vancouver coffee shops
striped shirt jeans

A special thank you to Darcy’s Cafe for providing the delicious food and location for this post.

Sweater: Club Monaco | Jeans: Uniqlo | Pumps: J.Crew  | Watch: Daniel Wellington (c/o)

Photos by Paul Milaire
Edits by Brian Chan

10 comments on “On Beauty: Thoughts About Aging & Appearance

  1. I just want to tell you that you are so beautiful. I love the simplicity of your blog and your outfits and I love reading your posts.

    Just remember that…1 Peter 3.3-4. x

    Mich x
    howshe-seesit.blogspot.co.uk

  2. I went through a period of terrible acne- I couldn’t look in the mirror in the morning from fear of what my skin looked like, and wearing makeup just made everything look worse. Having a supportive boyfriend made a world of difference while I went through an arduous process with my dermatologist (ended up on antibiotics and Tactuo). All to say, hang in there! Things will look up!

  3. Oh Jen, as sorry as I am to hear you’ve been struggling with this, I also find comfort in it as I have been struggling too (big time) this past year or two. The hardest part for me is realizing how long it takes to repair the damage I have done to myself. I’m on my 8th week of working out 5 days a week and I am only starting to notice the very slightest difference and am still not back into clothes I purchased only last summer. Also dealing with adult acne (what the heck?!) and other things! So I’m with you, girl! I think all we can do is to focus on treating our bodies as best as we can and eventually I hope it will all balance out! Sending love & positive thoughts your way!! Thank you for sharing this. xo.

  4. I definitely know what you mean about experiencing some transitions and new challenges, physical-appearance-wise, as I get closer to my late 20s. In particular, its frustrating to realize how long it takes to reverse the effects of a few weeks of questionable eating and sleeping habits! It used to be so easy to get back on track, weight and fitness-wise, when I was younger

    Because I did go through some of my worst experiences (knock on wood!) with acne and weight in my teens and early 20s, I do feel as if I’m a bit protected from feeling too badly about it now. Having those experiences allowed me to understand and accept that if some appearance-related things were important to me, I would sometimes have to work on those things (on my fitness, on taking care of myself, etc.).

  5. I 100% know how you feel, especially as a fellow blogger, we place a lot of emphasis on our physical appearance. You are beautiful, thoughtful and intelligent, which is the best combination! :)

  6. Oh boy, can I relate to this post. The one thing I’ve learned this year is doing the same things that would’ve made a big difference to my 25-year-old body don’t do anything for my 30-year-old body…because it’s a different body. As soon as I accepted that I had to explore different things (like new forms of exercise, new healthy habits, etc.) and apply added intensity, diligence, and effort, I noticed more dramatic changes.

    The best of luck with accepting and learning to care for your “today” body!

  7. I so wish I could hug you. I have been there. I think most people have. I am no spring chicken and have felt the pressure of aging and keeping up with pressures of appearances. It is easy to think about all our shortcomings, but so much harder to think about all our finest qualities that we do what is easiest.
    Don’t know who said it, but it is true-
    “It is not about being the best. It is about being better than you were yesterday”

  8. Thanks for sharing. Fashion blogs like yours focus on the exterior, but you should know that this is the first post that made me appreciate the beauty of the writer in these photos, and I’ve been following your blog for about 2 years. We women are our own worst critics and it’s not helpful. I’m 46 now and there are days where I long for my taut 30 year old body, but longing for yesterday is useless. Every wrinkle and stretch mark has a story and I bet you, they’re wonderful stories if you share them. Keep writing, I’ll be reading!

  9. Jen, thank you so much for sharing your struggle and your reflections. We all have our difficulties with our appearance, but as a blogger it is definitely hard to feel excited and ready to share if you’re not feeling confident about how you look or feel. Whats worse is that sometimes we feel the need to explain or apologize for how we look or feel, when really I think that blogging is about embracing who we are and sharing it with others.

    I think your comment on self-care is especially important, sometimes we just have to give ourselves a break. There’s a cute picture floating around on Pinterest that admonishes us to treat ourselves like we would treat a small child- eating healthy food, sleeping a lot, playing, and laughing. I love that advice, I need to reflect on it more.

    Thank you for sharing,
    Kate
    kateintheclassroom.com

  10. Thank you for your vulnerability. It is so inspiring to hear your thoughts as well as the comments left by others. Despite the daily struggle of body and mind, just hearing that’s this is something we all share gives great comfort as well as encouragement to battle it head on. Thanks again❤️

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