As I prepare to become a mother in a few short months, I’m both excited and anxious about how my identity is going to inevitably shift. Will I be able to continue pursuing my career? And what about hobbies, self-care, my husband, my friends? Don’t get me wrong: I’m planning on diving fully into this new role and committing to giving my child everything I have. That being said, I also don’t want motherhood to consume me and become my entire life. While I hope that, one day, my grown child(ren) will say I was a good mother to them, I also want them to know that their mom had other things that she was fully passionate about, as well. If you’re reading this as a mother and taking offense, please don’t: I’m mostly saying all of this to hold myself accountable because I know the above won’t come naturally for me.
Prior to getting pregnant, I’d been longing to become a mom for some time, and to be honest found myself feeling a little behind. I’m turning 30 this year, and while I know that’s still relatively young in this day and age to have a child, I was often subconsciously comparing my life to those who were already there. A big, unhealthy part of this definitely came from the plethora of messages around me that painted motherhood as one of the ultimate accomplishments of a woman, with everything from well-meaning relatives asking when it would be “my turn” to the perfectly curated, beautiful lives of families on Instagram. I know better, at least in my head, than to let that bother me – but I think I inherently felt like I’d really have something worthy to hang on to when I became a mom.
I’m so grateful that we have a baby on the way in just 20 more weeks. That being said, I now feel both a responsibility and desire to do everything I can to fight the above sentiment. As we rightly celebrate the sacrifice, love, and care of the mothers and mother figures in our lives this Sunday, I also acknowledge those for whom this day brings a complicated mix of emotions: those who long to be moms, those who aren’t sure, those who have broken relationships with their mothers, those who have have lost a child. The role of a mother is beautiful and so much more complex than what I could say in a short blog post, but I want to remind both myself and all women that our place in this journey doesn’t ultimately define us or make us any more or any less.
PS. If you’re in Vancouver looking for something to gift to that mother, mother figure, loved one, or inspirational friend in your life – might I suggest a bouquet of flowers from locally-based Bloom Assembly? These very talented women created the beautiful arrangement I’m carrying, and they’ll be hosting a pop-up shop at West Elm Granville this Sunday from 12-4pm. Today’s also the last day to pre-order an arrangement for pick up that day (and you can get 10% off with my code ‘herwaisechoice’)!
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Jacket | Club Monaco
Dress | Everlane
Shoes | Rachel Comey
Beautifully said.
As a mom who lost herself for the first six years of motherhood I offer you one piece of advice: it is unequivocally necessary to be selfish sometimes.